Hi. My name is Laura Perlongo and I’m pregnant accidentally on purpose.
Here’s what happened…
It was a low-vital Saturday night in February. I had taken a gummy along with my boyfriend. Well, I guess very first I had condom-less, birth control-free sex where the white stuff got inside the vaginal pocket, yet a couple weeks later I ate marijuana in the form of candy. Being a timing expert, halfway in to a giggly game of cards, I went to the bathroom for my pre-menstrual pregnancy test ritual. Love most girls not on birth control, every month there is a day or two where I confuse normal PMS along with ‘surely pregnant.’ So there I sat, waiting for menstrual reassurance next to my beloved lil digital sand timer, tapping cheerfully through stories on Snapchat. SUGGESTION tap tippy two…
Two lines.
That’s a lot more compared to one line. And I’m 30. I have actually 1five years of urine-on-stick experience. There was no digging out instructions or googling necessary. No franticly peeing on a lot more examinations to confirm a result. I knew just what it meant, two lines had happened before. I walked through my railroad apartment spine to boyfriend. I told your man just what I knew. We had similar verbal reactions of ‘kk great, we’ll figure it out together.’ yet our brains were a lot more Love that cagey salt and pepper shaker amusement ride — unsynchronized, kinda enjoyable and a little ‘oh fuck why did I get hold of on here.‘ To be reasonable it wasn’t a finish accident. We had talked regarding wanting children and had pulled the goalie maybe half-a-time-once yet weren’t necessarily expecting this news, THE NEWS.
Reality.
We’re section of that ‘lazy’, ‘self-absorbed’ urban millennial generation that does not wish to mature in any type of traditional sense. I job as a freelance advertising creative, I dress Love Silent Bob and stack my clothes on the floor. I run about nonstop until my physique physically collapses. I’m a Actual entitled jerk, or so the media tells me and everyone born after 1980 or whatever.
My boyfriend works in TV, dresses earnestly, and hangs all of his pants. yet he’s as ill-equipped to deal along with ‘life situations’ as the rest of us. along with the pressure of joining the public eye, no move appears Love the right move.
The Decision.
After the very first shock/weed wore off I knew right away I wanted this baby. I was strong. I was smart. I was full of love. I COULD DO THIS! I was confident I’d be great. Nev was confident he would certainly be great. HE COULD DO THIS! Sure we’d only been dating long-distance 7 months (along with a break in August) yet we were optimistic and in love. It felt as good a time as ever. (And that knows if/as quickly as there would certainly ever be a ‘better’ time.) We were excited.
Other People.
Were Love ‘NAO.’ Well honestly they couldn’t say a lot while choking spine their horror, yet it seemed as though most of my open-minded, amazing, loving friends couldn’t believe just what they were hearing. It was as if I told them I had a terminal illness.
I was heartbroken. It’s not that I didn’t already know where they were coming from. I’m a career-steered girl that did all of the points to suggest not ‘settling down’ until my late thirties. I’m a kidult for lack of a much less obnoxious term. I don’t even have actually curtains. Even in my own version of adulthood, I’m a bad excuse for an adult. yet did that mean I was supposed to wait until I’m closer to 40 to ‘throw my life away’, as one (mid-thirties) co-worker suggested.
Again, to be fair, maybe it was half their shock and half self-doubt. Is this just what having a baby is allowed to look like? I’m not married. I make good cash yet it’s gig-based money. I surely don’t have actually (or want) a stable job. I’m not all set to literally or figuratively ‘die’. And I don’t actually have actually a room that resembles a living room. I could get hold of one? Best confusion set in.
Valid Freak Out.
I was having one. And the friends I told seemed to spiral in to freak outs regarding their own lives and baby hypotheticals too. Married or unmarried, most Individuals my age seem to not want kids. And for several pretty Actual reasons. The main being that adult life is hard to wrap your head about and growing up looks much various now compared to it did for our parents. Frankly, it doesn’t constantly look Love growing up — especially as quickly as you’re attempting to pay rent in brand-new York or Boston or San Francisco or wherever else rent is insanely unaffordable. And most of us still feel Love we have to adhere to a modern version of our parent’s footsteps or we aren’t ready. Do the traditional points Love meet (on an app), 2 ½ to 7 years of courting (sexual intercourse along with birth control), proposal w/ring, wedding, and finally children (since now is as quickly as we do it right?). And those are still excellent means to live life and have actually or not have actually kids, yet I wasn’t expecting my friends to be be so shocked I was skipping about the blueprint. My parents, the Boomers, sure. yet my millennial do-life-our-means friends too? Am I fucking up?
Second Guessing.
My boyfriend and I asked and re-asked ourselves all of the cliché yet vital questions you ask as quickly as deciding whether you wish to bring a brand-new person in to the world. can easily we nurture them physically, emotionally and financially? Do we want to? Are we happy and excited regarding it? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yesyesyesyesyssss. (you know, along with all of the googling involved in figuring out just what those yes’ mean — I do already know this will certainly be hard, for the record)
But I additionally asked myself some pretty ‘selfish’ millennial-type questions too. Am I allowed to have actually friends that aren’t moms? Do I have actually to adjustment the types of points I article on the internet? will certainly I become uninterested in points that aren’t my own baby? will certainly I start using words Love ‘mompreneur’? The answers to these questions ranged from ‘please no’ to actual crying.
After a few teary-eyed nights in an empty bathtub, I had earned up my mind. Ultimately I didn’t believe I must deprive myself of a much-wanted experience as a result of stereotypical perceptions of just what motherhood was supposed to look like. We can easily do it our way. Right? Nev and I. Others couples. Others moms. Our generation. Right? Yeah! (?)
Now.
I’m writing this since I believe baby-making times are strange for the growing population of girls Love me (and most modern couples for that matter) and we shouldn’t feel dumb talking regarding the stuff that makes us wonder if we must prevent procreating altogether. We live in an ever-evolving globe that breeds brand-new ability sets yet additionally brand-new fears in exactly how successfully we can easily translate this globe to family life. In my case that’s juggling jobs, a long-distance relationship, and taking photos of my finest friends covered in salad dressing. can easily these skills come in useful or are they simply going to get hold of in the means of being an excellent mom? Is this generation of ‘lazy’, ‘self-absorbed’ millenials going to simply produce a worse generation of do-nothing narcissists? I placed my bet on no. Call me an optimist.
To make a long letter short, Nev and I surely have actually no tip just what we’re doing, we simply already know we’re doing something we wish to be doing. Hopefully we don’t suck at it or turn in to know-it-all of zombies. Mainly we’re simply actually happy and excited.
Big like to all of the bb girls out there,
Laura
PS She says hi.
